The Measure of a Man

This has been one of Kevin's suicide weeks at work. Not only was he out of town most of the week, but when he came back into town, around 5 pm Thursday night, he headed straight to an office for a seminar that lasted to 7:30. On his way home from that, while we all ANXIOUSLY waited by the window, his car let him know it had "had it" and gave out on him in the middle of a construction zone, on the highway, with no where to go. We finally saw him around 9:00. After a late Friday work day, and an early morning seminar this morning, we are ALL anxious to be together. I just want to honor him, one week after father's day for a couple minutes. Last night when we all sat down for a late night dinner, and shared about each other's day for a few minutes, Iwas reminded of how much I miss him when he is gone. He got up from the table, just to change out of his work clothes, and this feeling came over me of wanting to grab him and never let him go. I hated the thought of him leaving for 2 minutes. We all did. We followed him. He didn't get frustrated at us, he didn't beg us for 5 minutes to himself, he just let us follow him. I am so thankful for that--such selflessness. And then he let us all climb on him and talk his ear off. These weeks are hard on him, but he still had much to give. I am so thankful for Kevin. I cry when I talk about him to people. He loves the Lord so very much. I love waking up in the morning to him quietly singing to the Lord and playing his guitar. I love the moments we get to spend with him in the morning, no body rushing around. I love that the things of this world don't satisfy him, and that he is drawn to the One who does. I love that when we have had a week like this week, and I haven't even had a moment to shave my legs or wash my hair and I just feel "bedraggled", he still looks at me like I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. I love that when he is home he is devoted to us. That is not easy for a man who has so many demands on him, and so I am very grateful. Kevin, thank you. My Uncle Mike was right, you remind me, too, of David, a man after God's own heart. I could not ask for more. I love you and I miss you.

and As the Psalmist says, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 59:16

Bright Idea

WE started something called the Honor Project in our home yesterday. Whenever the kids say words that they know they can't say (ie, stupid, poo-poo head, shut-up), or call eachother names, or hit/push/smack the life out of eachother, they owe us a quarter (2 quarters for hitting). WE made a bowl for it and everything. I wrote a few scriptures on the bowl about Honor and well, we will see. The money goes to a charity of some sort each month. Conversation between Me, Lexi and Aaron last night before catching fireflies:

Me: "So do you understand what 'honor' means?"
Lexi: "Yes, to respect eachother."
Me: "That's right. How do you honor God with your hands, for example?"
Aaron: "not hitting, helping, praying, and catching fireflies!"
Me: "Good, AAron, that's right."
Lexi: "Yeah, and smashing firelflies once you catch them!!!"

HMMM? I'll let you know how this works out.

Delightful

Kevin took off of work last Friday and we took the older two to Steal-Your-Dollar, I mean Silver Dollar City. No, really, season passes are the way to go. And it is worth the season pass money (as long as you go more than twice). The passes were the only birthday gifts from us to the kids this year ( Alexis and Aaron). It's a celebration for 8 months out of the year!!!! Anyway, we had the BEST time!!!! Alexis, who is not known for being very brave, conquered many fears and rode rides she said she would never ride!!! She laughed on every one of them! And Aaron was also very brave when he rode a ride that I wouldn't even ride, with his Dad, of course. We all shared a famous Funnel Cake and cotton candy, and the kids were just joyful the whole time we were there. Here are some pics of the day:

Trust

Kevin and I are learning much about trust these days. We live in a world where every one has a different answer and they are all assured of that answer. It is unbelievable how much pride, at the expense of compassion, is out in the field of helping people. When we started this journey with Eli we were bullied by a nurse (that we really liked) that told us we "HAD" to give Eli the flu shot at 6 months and would not be a part of delaying any vaccinations. She said they simply would not see Eli as a patient if we chose that path. We later took Eli to an allergist who made Kevin and I feel as small as a pea when he reprimanded us for not treating Eli's eczema sooner. I remember his words like it was yesterday (probably because they burned a hole in my heart) "Do you even know how miserable your son is?" He treated Eli's symptoms, but Eli only got worse. Then he refused to see him. We soon saw a guy who works with enzymes. He was very involved with Eli's case. We were so hopeful. He helped with some other issues, but Eli never really progressed (maybe for a short time). After 5 months of his help, but no progression, we questioned if this was working for Eli, and he got defensive with us in an email. I think at one point he said that "I was lucky to even have Eli alive." That reaction only after a simple, "Do you think we should take another route?" Wow. Sorry Mr. Y, I don't cave to fear, my trust is in the Lord. After that and some bad advice that fortunately I tried on myself before testing it on Eli, I was done. We have seen a couple other Dr.s who only provided more scolding and treating of Eli's symptoms. Which did give him some relief, but only temporarily. We went to a Nutritionalist who put him on a yeast-free diet and a hundred dollars worth of supplements and told us we would see results in a month. A month has come and gone and we see only regression. WE recently took him to a Naturopath who we heard great things about. Had a great visit, he even prayed with me, and then sent me out the door with 300 dollars worth of more supplements. Maybe he will run the thousand dollars (not insurance covered) worth of tests on Eli and discover what is really going on in Eli, or maybe he is just another man who is taking advantage of a desperate mom who wants to relieve her son. I question him because of the fact that his wife (his secretary) has called everyday and when I say Eli is no better, she wants me to "consult" with Dr. D at a whopping 5 dollars a minute (and we haven't even commited to the testing yet). I had one Dr. who wanted me to be a part of an agenda against all "holistic" dr.s who call themselves Dr.s, but really aren't. But, I don't want to be apart of any agenda's, I just want my son to stop clawing himself to death. I want to find out why he is not allergic at all to one food one day, and then the very next day goes into anaphylactic after a few bites. I say this not for sympathy, not for advice, not even for an answer. I am just frustrated with all the wisdom of man right now. Can't any of these professionals just get along and work together on really trying to help people? They all just want to be right.
So, what has this led me to? To trusting more and more in the One who knit Eli together in my womb and who knows how many hairs are on His head. Only He knows what is wrong with Eli and only He can guide us to the answer. We have to trust that He either can guide us, heal Eli Himself, or give us a peace that right now there is no answer. That Eli's body just need time. So, Kevin and I are waiting as we pray and hope. "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3
"Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

sidenote:
I just want to say one more thing that is on my heart, heavy on my heart, today. There are ALOT of sick children out there right now. Just check around the blog world and you will bump into someone who has a sick child. Or chances are you know someone or go to church with someone whose child is sick. It is something that weighs heavy on me for some reason. Read Stellan's blog today, and listen to his Momma's exhaustion from the ups and downs of something she has no control over, and something that nothing seems to fix. It seems as though something will work for a short time, and then the body fights even harder against itself. Or like "whack a mole"--one thing fixes one issue, and then others pop up around it. My prayers are fervent for all the moms out there who have no answers, and are just "tapped dry."

June 2, 2007

Today is Eli's birthday. He is now 2. We are having a fruit, hummus, and rice cake party--and the other 2 are just pumped about that--okay, not really. I love this boy. With all the struggles we have with him, he sure does put a lot of smiles on our faces. One of my favorite things about him is how excited he gets when someone in our family either wakes up in the morning, or comes home from somewhere. He just gets so excited and gives these huge hugs--especially to Dad. When he hears the garage door open, all you hear is this little voice, "Dat, Dat, Dat (which means dad)," and then he is out running to greet him, squealing "Dat" the whole way. I also love the way he works his little arms when he runs, and how he speaks only in one syllable words--Fwies(fries), cake (rice cakes), Sis, Bub, coar (car), toons (cartoons), Pway (pray), and side (outside). We haven't heard a two word combo yet. I love how he stands to eat and begs for a "towl" when he drops the littlest amount. I love his raspy voice--like Demi Moore , only much sweeter and of course, boy like. I love that when he gets his feelings hurt he puts his little hands over his face and cries. I love when he says "Bye" to everyone in the store from his grocery "Car" cart, and waves. I love how when anybody lays down he thinks they become fair game to tackle. I love that he will eat stuff like hummus and beg for "beans" (green beans). And I love that no matter how miserable he is he can still get so excited about the littlest things and make us all laugh. He is a tough little Tyker, and we are so very thankful to God who has TREMENDOUSLY blessed our life through him. Happy Birthday to our sweet Eli.