Confession

I don't know about you, but I make the mistake of reading other people's blogs and believing that they must have it all together. They say just the right thing, or their kids look so absolutely perfect, or their wisdom is so profound that they must spend most of their time walking on water. But what I am discovering is that I certainly don't ever feel like blogging if I am having a bad day, week or, yes, month. I write when we have a great day or when we do some fun, wonderful thing. I write when I feel a moment of enlightment, which is quite seldom, actually. Or I write about progress or trial, which is all in the journey. But, I don't write the ugly stuff, the moments of insanity, the moments we don't want anyone to know about. I want you to think I have it all together, but I don't. The truth is life isn't always pleasant. We don't sit around our house and look cute all the time. We don't have this perfect, all our "ducks in a row" life. By the end of the week, I am tired and on empty. I start to question everything. I get angry at the kids and say things I want to take back---yuck. It is in these moments, I am beginning to see how much I need more of the Lord. And guess what? He ALWAYS has more to give. Because the more of Him, the less of me. I want that. I want that for my kids, for my husband, for my family, for my friends.

So, just so you all know, this week was not so great. I wounded with my words, acted hastily in fear, ignored God's call to "come and be still," pouted, you name it. It wasn't fun. I could keep that all to myself, and let you believe we have a perfect life and I am the best mom ever (although most of you know that I am not), but I think I will confess it instead and not give the devil a foothold. After all, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Eph 6:12 He wins when I run and hide. Victory begins when we confess with our mouth what is hidden. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." James 5:16 It is what is hidden that hurts us and those we love.

A Promise

Tree hugger!

FALL is here. I love to think of Fall as Summer's last breath. Just when the life of summer goes out from the heat of August, Fall rushes in and knocks us over with a punch of vivid, warm color. Like an Autumn-hued rainbow, reminding us that their will be life and color once again after this next season. It is just enough to sustain me through the grey of winter. I love this time of year. I love the leaves under my feet, the crisp in the air, the sound of marching bands, the smell of hot chili, the sweatshirts and hiking boots, the sound of people outside, but most of all the momentary burst of life, just before winter.
The kids and I went to the Nature Center to enjoy it yesterday. We saw Wild Turkeys, a ton of squirrels and enjoyed watching a red-eyed turtle swim around and come up for a few peeks at the color bearing down on him. Some of these pics were taken there, some were just taken around our neighborhood. I just can't get enough of it. Anyone want to help with the leaf clean-up? Okay, so that is one drawback!

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace."
Ecc. 3:1-7

Water for the Seed

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."- Stacia Tauscher

Last night, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I had some moments of clarity. Every now and then when I wake up in the middle of the night and I have trouble going back to sleep, the Lord shows me something or gives me clarity on something that I am struggling with or just something he wants me to know. This moment was cleary an "A-HA" moment over something that I have been questioning for a long time.


Since my children were little (I know they are still little, but I mean "little-er") I have longed to really know them and engage them in such a way that they don't remember me from the waist down. I am a real good "baby" momma, but right around 2 years old, something changes and I just am rather clueless. I struggled for years on whether or not I should go into "their world" or that I should make them come into my world and be little adults. Confessionally, I prefered the second concept. Better yet, they can stay in kid world and I will be in adult world and maybe a couple of times a day we could meet in the middle. But, at the end of the day (as much as I hate that expression, it truly was at the end of my days), I still had this longing and desire deep in my heart to "see and know" my children--their natural gifts and talents, thier interests--and nurture those things. I wanted to be with them and know what to do with them while I was with them. Even with educating them at home, it has been a struggle for me to engage them on thier interest levels. I get caught up in what I think they need to know instead of expanding upon what they are gifted in and working in those things. So, I frustrate them and force things on them and stress if they don't get it. It is alot of of trial and error. But as I relax and just give in to being with them and exploring with them through their eyes, I am convinced now that God is answering the desires of my heart--to enjoy and engage my children from my shoulders up. To connect deeply, to see thier gifts and interests, to laugh with them and let them be children as long as they can. To walk through this life enjoying doing things together. And as a side blessing, I get a fresh new look on the world. I get to see the world again through the eyes of a child, and that is refreshing. It has also helped me in applying just that concept to my walk with the Lord. To look at the Lord and His Kingdom with fresh eyes. Because that is what the Lord wants afterall, this is the Message version of the verse Matthew 18:2-4 "For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me. " I love that.


So, in questioning over and over our decision to take our children out of school for a life of learning at home, "Lord, are you sure you want us to do this?" I understood more clearly last night, and was overwhelmed at just how much He has allready shown us all. He knew the longing in my heart and He told us a way to get there.

Aaron loves to create and build with anything he finds. This says "I love Mom", I didn't get the "MOM" in.

this is a Christmas tree made with rocks and leaves. There are soft purple petals all over it if you look closely. I think it's beautiful.